Another note on pregnancy

My college professor said it best to me yesterday,

"Pregnancy is not an illness, many people want to believe it is.  Pregnancy is a normal way of life.  Women before us, have done many things while pregnant.  As long as you have a healthy pregnancy and get all the prenatal care that is recommended there is no reason you can't do the things you want to do or use to do."

  A lot of people want to judge us for what we do while pregnant from what we eat to the way we sleep- what you do is up to you and how you feel.

As I was opening up my laptop in a class to begin taking notes, a fellow classmate says- (commenting on my desktop photo) "Awwww is that your horse?" I naturally said yes- she's my baby.  Class mate says "Your still not doing that are you?" (in a real snotty questioning voice) I said, doing what? (already knowing her answer) "Riding?!" (again in a real judging voice) I said absolutely- although in reality I really haven't been riding much because its just been not feasible for other reasons. The classmate who I barely know- then had began to lecture me on the fact that I "shouldn't" do that while pregnant and how I need to think of others and its not just about "me" any more. And how dare I put my unborn child at risk.  Thankfully my pregnancy hormones didn't really kick in and I simply smiled at her & said: "My body- my baby- my choice and its your choice to disagree but its not your choice to lecture me."     And when you choose to NOT do something it shouldn't affect you negatively, however & unfortantly it does.

People chase me around- saying you shouldn't lift this or don't lift that but never offer a hand in lifting this or that. I mean if your going to "judge" me on the things I do or maybe don't do then offer your help. Otherwise bug out.  Just because I have became pregnant doesn't' mean that the rest of my world has stopped and is waiting for me to be "pregnant" again. I still have a job to do, I still have money that needs earning, I still have horses & dogs to feed. I still have duties as a wife, daughter and friend.  I have no problems doing the things that I do & when I feel I may be doing too much or maybe shouldn't be doing such and such thing- then I won't do it.  I am not going to let my pregnancy define me into being a hermit, couch potato or any other thing that I am not.  I will not let this pregnancy turn me into a whiny, crying women!  I am a strong & independent women and as long as my Doctor and I agree- I will continue to do the things I want and when I want.  I love my unborn child & will never intentionally do anything to harm him. <3

So with all this being said- I ask you to respect my own ways and stop trying to judge me.  I am not some evil women who doesn't care about her unborn child.

Lastly let me also state that I do not care to hear about your horrid child birthing moments. I guess most assume that because your now pregnant most people want to tell you their horror stories.  Please keep them to yourselves!

A Horsewoman's Prayer

Dear Lord,

Give me the strength to start this day
And wisdom and courage to face whatever I encounter
Though my day is full, with work, errands & life in general
Help me remember to set aside time to spend with my horse
Even if it is just a few moments grooming, or a short ride at a walk
Give me discipline to include some "horse time" in my busy schedule
Help me manage my troubles
O Lord; my aches, pains & physical shortcomings,
so that I do not use them as an excuse not to ride
Also my mental frailties-help me to remember that it is not necessary to gallop bareback
 in order to enjoy equestrian pursuits
help me manage my fears so that I may stay safe, but not immobilized in my endeavors
Help me to love and appreciate my horse
even though she may not always cooperate with my requests
Give me wisdom to evaluate the situation and adjust as needed and
 serenity to accept with grace that which I cannot change
be with me as I commune with and support my fellow horsewomen-
 sharing strength and weakness alike,
 all of our common love of this wonderful create
You have given us, the horse.
-Amen

Manners & Respect- What happen to them?!

Society has gone MAD!!  

I was raised up on please & thank you's, I was raised never to "invite" your self somewhere. I was raised on waiting until everyone is served to "eat" when in a large group. I was taught to RESPECT others - SPECIALLY my elders.  

My father has always openned the door for my mother. My father had always (if the door was opened before he could get too it) allowed all others to enter before he did.  He always walked beside- NOT behind & NOT infront of his wife.  My father always kissed his bride good bye & hello when leaving or coming home.  My father always was the last to grab his food from the plate at the center of the table.  

I was taught to be respectful of others & their differences. It wasn't polite to share. It wasn't polite or accepted to taunt. Swearing & cussing was not allowed in my household. We were only allowed to EAT what Mom cooked for dinner. There were no other "special" meals because "Little Leah" doesn't eat peas & ham. Guess I would starve that night & NO SNACK- before bed! No games were played at dinner time like if you eat three more bites you can be done. WE were told lil white lies such as eating carrots would make our eyes nice & strong. Eating peas would allow our hair grow really long & beautiful.  

Speaking of dinner- family dinner was a MUST. Everyone had to sit down to eat at dinner. There was NO dinner in front of the TV. TV wasn't on. IPOD's, Cell phones were not a thing of our pass- so those weren't an issue but I will be sure to tell you if they were they would be a BIG NO NO.  If the house phone rang- no one got up to get it.  Family gatherings were also a must.  Gatherings happened often including immediate & extended family & close family friends.  Everyone was accepted & everyone was welcomed.  Neighbors were friends & family.  

Speaking of neighbors- it did take the whole village to raise us. I remember receiving "spankings or lectures" for the NON parental form.  Well they were parents- just not mine! If we didn't mind our p's and q's when visiting others- my parents knew & we were in TROUBLE.  

Drugs & ALCOHOL were a big no no in the house.  We received the SEX talk at a very early age.  And my parents (who were actually very easy going) were very trusting & tough at the same time. They found the value in teaching us strong values so we made the right choices in life.  

And on another note: CHOICES as we grew older became our own choice. We were watched closely but allowed to make our own choices. Our choices at many times were both right & wrong.  When they were the wrong choices- my parents stood there & allowed us to fail.  They wouldn't let us "fail" to the point that we were harmed majorly, but they allowed us to fail so we knew what failure was.  They allowed us to fail at a sport- not make a team.  My parents understood that not everyone was "made" to be a football player or a cheer leader.  They allowed us to find our own avenues of entertainment. They never deterred us - just because it was something they never enjoyed.  

I pray as I begin to watch  my child grow (inside my belly) that I can do HALF as good as my parents did. I pray that I can be HALF the parent my MOM & DAD were to me & my siblings.  I hope that they have instilled enough manners & respect in me to have the ability to show my child the same manners & respect.  I fear the biggest thing that will stop me from accomplishing my goals as a parent- is society.  My parents didn't have society against them when they were raising children. I should say they had some of society against them but society wasn't so "nosy" back then.  I'm not dumb enough to believe that "my son" will be nothing less of an Angel- but if teachings and parentings are interrupted by society - may cause him harm in the future. If you don't believe me just look at the "kids" running around this world right now.  They lack lack lack the main basis of life... Manners & Respect. 

"Blood is thicker then water"

"You can pick flowers, your nose and your friends but you can't pick your family"


According to the Websters dictionary a family is: : a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household

2

a : a group of persons of common ancestry : clan

Not at all times do we think our families are that great. But when it comes down to it all- its truly the only family we got.  Cherish your family. Cherish the life that your family (parents) that have given to you.  Be thankful for those problems that they created in your life. 

Greatest memory  I have & probably my first memory that I can ever remember involves (yep you guessed it) my family.  

1st memory: Involves me and my two brothers and one pink pair of Karate PJ's!  I don't know why or how I got the Pink PJ's but I did and apparently it was something I wanted or I really liked them.  The entire memory is a little foggy but the biggest & most exciting part of the memory is... Me (wish you could see the image that I have in my head right now) starting from the end of the long hallway where my bed room was running full speed down the all, through the "family room" springing off the step & jumping on both my brothers who where laying flat on their stomachs in front of the TV in the "living" room.  I landed across their backs & they both screamed "Mom" Leah hurt me! ha ha.. but the best part is as I jumped in the air I yelled "hiiiiii ya!" Yep I was the Karate girl in the pink PJ's!!

Greatest memory is going on family picnics to Memorial Lake. Memorial Lake was (what I though at the time) this GREAT beautiful lake that you could boat, fish and swim in/on.  WE use to get KFC and take it to the picnic area at the lake and EAT dinner at the lake. Dad & my brothers would fish (I would try too) while Mom just hung out & enjoyed the sunshine.  WE never had much money but my parents really knew how to show us how to have fun with what we got and what we had around us. 

I do think its important to remember your roots. I think its important to carry on some of your traditions that you shared with your family. I believe its important to show your children the ways that they were for you.  But most importantly its also a special aspect to develop your own ways and own "traditions" for what is perfect for you and your emerging family. 

Lastly its important to continue on the history of your family. Teach the history of your Mom, teach the history of your Dad.   

Bothersome...

As I sit here staring out my window, I'm still plagued over the fact that my own blood won't talk to me. Still plagued over the fact that he seemed to think I'm "such a drama queen".  I thought I did all the right things by admitting to him that he's right- my problems will never amount to the recent pain he had to endure, but that got me no where. I explained to my own blood that I didn't want to play this "I'm mad at you game." I told him "lifes too short" to be fighting with someone that you have known for 29 years of your life & had AT ONE time been very close with.  Wasn't good enough. In the end I stated I was sorry that he felt I was too "dramatic" for him, but I asked him to step outside his life for a minute & consider the circumstances to which I live under.

I guess he can't fathom the idea of meeting thousands of new people a year only because they called me because they were sick, injured or need help of some sort.  I guess he can't picture walking up to an accident (adreneline rushing through your viens) with all your equipment knowing everything that you were trained to do only to find someone you went to school with sitting behind the wheel barely consious.  I suppose that he will never know what it will be like to help a 33 year old (close to his age) who actually looked like he was 90 years old because he had to go to the hospital because his stomach cancer is back- from drinking too much when he was younger.  He WILL never know what its like to do CPR for 15 minutes on an infant "just for show" because you already know she was obviously dead.  He WILL never know what its like to do CPR on a 5 year old who got hit by a high speed car who's head was so crushed in you wondered how a minutes ago he was actually talking to you.  He has never looked anyone in the eye as they died. He has never looked someone in the eyes as they told you they didn't want to die. He never listed to a grown man who was in the process of dying profess all his sins about such a "life of wrongs" he had made & never had to fix.

I wasn't placed on this earth to play GOD. I am by no means GOD. I was put on this EARTH to assist GOD in his choices for each and every one of us.  If its your day, there is nothing myself or anyone will ever be able do to be able to pull you from death.  I truly chose me & others like me to do this job because he knows we can handle it- we have strong backs, strong minds and strong hearts but that doesn't mean that we don't worry about the rights & wrongs that we could of did or didn't do.  Doesn't mean that we don't turn to other avenues to suppress the feelings of terror and thoughts of our calls of help that went well and didn't go so well. It is really a trick that we all have to master in our own means. Some blow off their "steam" so to speak of the days work by working out, drinking, over eating, blaring music, riding horses, reading, keeping quiet, smoking or any other form of stress relief.  Most times you will find the world of fire fighters and EMS personal having some of the "sickest" minds. Its because to do our job- you almost have too.

So I ask you this... when fighting with others (no matter their occupation or place in life is) take into considerations the "stresses" that they have in their lives. Don't like a simple set of words or actions cause you to loose your faith, trust and friendship of others.  Life is WAY TO SHORT to be angry at the ones that you love or care about so much.  I hope that eventually my own blood will come around.  I just hope he takes the time to find out for his own & work through his own problems.  That in my opinion is what is holding him back, until then I shall miss him & hope that we don't loose our chances to understand each others problems & accept them and start talking again.

Words HURT

I'm not totally sure that people realize how much words actually hurt some times.  I'm not the only one that has been on the end of hurtful words. I'm sure there has been plenty of times I have had hurtful things and I should be more forgiving. But honestly I'm tired of those who supposedly "care" or "love" me are so hurtful & hateful.  I attempt to make myself forget about them or pretend that they don't bother me but today I have had my fill. My meter has been pegged for some time now and as soon as I think I'll explode the meter goes down, but today has just filled & over flowed the flow! I just don't understand, I feel like I give so much but NEVER NEVER get what I deserve back.  I've learned several times in the past that I am the door mat for friends to clean their feet on.  But yet I still let those kind of ppl in my life. Am I really that desperate for friends.... I guess so- I'm no better then the next person.

Is it just me or has the world gone crazy?

I often wonder if I've gone nuts or has the rest of the world gone nuts.  But then I get to thinking more, if I seem to have all these issues whether big or small with so many people- then it has to be me.  But is it me? Is it too much to ask a friend to care about me as much as I care about them? Is it too much to as a friend to NOT lie about me about some of the stupidest shit?  Has the world changed their ways and began to "fake" their way into a friendship & then fake their way out... I see so many people bitching about the next person that I wonder what they have to say about me when I walk away.  Most days I just assume that sitting in my house & sulking, pretending life is ALL good when really I feel that I'm being left behind. How can people believe in such fake friends? I can't bring myself to A$$ kiss, I can't bring myself to be fake, I CAN NOT bring myself to thrive on the dama that others create.  Jesus- what am I doing wrong. Since when has truthfulness, faithfulness and sincerity gotten you nowhere?! I just don't understand... I suppose the only way you can hold on to friendship anymore is if you lie, cheat and steal.  I guess I will be forever friendless.... Because I just can't bring myself to be fake.