Dear Baby Boy Burge- Hurry UP!

Yes in all fairness you are only 2 days late, but I'm just beyond excited to meet you.  You have been torturing me with aches and pains for several weeks now, making me think you were just days away.  The pains and aches have severely worsened over the last couple days.  They are all not things I can't deal with because truly so far I can, however, I am very tired of feeling crappy with no results! :) I love you more then you ever will know and I haven't even met you yet.  Your Nana is here to spend some time with you but you haven't made an attempt to show your precious little face.  I am sure she is getting bored and tired of waiting as well. She will have to go home next week to baby sit your cousin Chase.  Please little man, show your precious lil feet and hands and face. <3

The Choice's I MAKE shouldn't be judged during MY pregnancy

Last time I checked I was the one who is pregnant here. Last time I checked it was my body & my decision on what things I want to do and NOT do during this pregnancy.  I have had an amazing pregnancy and have choose to stay clear of all the NO NO's during pregnancy such as taking OTC medicines (although there were times I could of used a Tylenol or two), I have avoided drinking alcohol, I have majorly CUT back caffeine and have done my very best to eat healthier foods.  Because I am nearing my due date- my doctors have schd. me an induction date "just in case" I go beyond my due date.  Since announcing my induction date many people have criticized my doctors suggestion for the induction date.  Although I plan to do this birth as drug free as much as I can I am also very open to what may or may not happen. I am walking into the L & D with a very open and understanding mind. Do I want to avoid an epidural- yes. Do I want to avoid a c-section- yes. But I also am very much aware that things may not go the way they are planned and I think by accepting the fact now- it will make things a lot easier for me in the long run. Anyway its just annoying to know that people judge you for the actions you do or do not take when choosing what you want to do during your own pregnancy. I guess like they say opinions are like assholes- everyone has one.  

Sometimes you have made all the right choices & still end up with the raw end of the stick

A man works all his life spending most of his time as a "labor" of trades. He spends most of his working life (so far) in one job.  He goes to work most days he's suppose to with little to no unscheduled time off's.  He pay's his bills to the best of his being & respects people that deserve to be respected.  He makes a living on his own and doesn't rely on anyone -Not even his government to pick up his slack that he may have.  Man- losses job for circumstances that weren't really that fair.  As man for once decides to stand up for himself & do what he believes is right- is broomed back into a corner and told to sit & deal.  Deal with the struggles of financial hardship in this already poor economy where he was living pay check to pay check, deal with the wrongful doing of others who are so hateful that it hurts them to look at themselves in the mirror and the struggle to not provide the support needed for his growing family that had high hopes and dreams that are hasty crashing down... Man finally through  his pride asks for Government's help, Government gives him a stiff middle finger. How is it, that when you are really down & out you have no assistance- but the man next door who drives the BMW and wears a Rolex watch is living off the taxes that we have paid to society? But yet when hard working man needs the assistance- he is denied all the way back to his broken down home.

Struggle with the paths of life

Days like today when something goes wrong I wonder where did my dreams go? Why did I stray from the path I wanted so long ago. Some days I cuss as to why I did I let things go wrong.  Other days I’m so thankful for the wrong turns.  If it were for the paths that I didn’t plan I wouldn’t be where I am today. But then again if it weren’t for the paths that I didn’t plan on, I wouldn’t be where I am today. How do you find the happy median? When do you find the happy median? When is enough enough! I have made every attempt to believe in such things as; “Things happen for a reason, The glass is half full- never near empty, If you do good GOOD will be done onto you, You show dedication and reliability, support, happiness, positiveness and you will thrive in this world.” But in most situations I’m getting the short end of the stick. 

People live life in one of two ways: As a victim or as a survivor.  In most instants I AM a survivor- but most of the time I want to cry HELP- VICTIM!  Remaining positive all the time is exhausting, being a victim is (appears) to be easier. 

The negativity in other people only damage my already half cracked soul. I hold myself together with only a string of faith. The string is strong however, it sometimes just doesn’t hold.  I typically don’t try to allow negative people to bother me but some days you just can’t take anymore.  Things tend to build up regardless if they are related or not, and some days you just can’t take it.  I don’t completely understand why I have been put in these situations- seems so unfair to have such negative things going on “what seems like” all the time.  My soul, my strengthen and my positiveness is ONLY so strong. 

Yes... things happen for a reason- but I'm still trying to grasp how this situation will not affect not only my dreams, but the dreams of my future family in mental, physical and financial aspects. My only solution at this point is to let things go as they need to go and as the old saying goes "God won't give me anything I can't handle." Just wish he wouldn't trust me so much.   

Work Ethic- is it worth it?!

Growing up my parents already made me responsible for what I did and what I was going to do.  They taught me the difference between being lazy and working hard. They showed me that hard work typically paid off. Back then- hard work did pay off.  In the same respect I was taught that dedication showed how valuable you were as not only a person but a worker.  The length that you dedicated to a job or anything for that fact- really helped you move forward specially in the business place.  Now this should go with out saying but I will say it anyway- there will always (has always been) some places that none of the above applies- HOWEVER- this seems to be more the case in todays economy and day and age.  If you typically show more ethusiasm, more work ethic, more dedication you appear to be a "threat" to a higher up.  You no longer are viewed as valuable in your work atmosphere.  You are more like a THREAT.  Dedication, years of service and an extra A plus on your work ethic gets you no where.  The only way you seem to improve your situation (no matter the case) work or personal life- it seems its all on who you know & (lets just say it) who you blow!

It is rather frustrating to see such good & valuable people go to waste. Our business don't hold us as valuable. They hold the jerk holes that are worthless & typically don't have the stamina to last or the work ethic to create a better "life" for the business in itself.  

Another note on pregnancy

My college professor said it best to me yesterday,

"Pregnancy is not an illness, many people want to believe it is.  Pregnancy is a normal way of life.  Women before us, have done many things while pregnant.  As long as you have a healthy pregnancy and get all the prenatal care that is recommended there is no reason you can't do the things you want to do or use to do."

  A lot of people want to judge us for what we do while pregnant from what we eat to the way we sleep- what you do is up to you and how you feel.

As I was opening up my laptop in a class to begin taking notes, a fellow classmate says- (commenting on my desktop photo) "Awwww is that your horse?" I naturally said yes- she's my baby.  Class mate says "Your still not doing that are you?" (in a real snotty questioning voice) I said, doing what? (already knowing her answer) "Riding?!" (again in a real judging voice) I said absolutely- although in reality I really haven't been riding much because its just been not feasible for other reasons. The classmate who I barely know- then had began to lecture me on the fact that I "shouldn't" do that while pregnant and how I need to think of others and its not just about "me" any more. And how dare I put my unborn child at risk.  Thankfully my pregnancy hormones didn't really kick in and I simply smiled at her & said: "My body- my baby- my choice and its your choice to disagree but its not your choice to lecture me."     And when you choose to NOT do something it shouldn't affect you negatively, however & unfortantly it does.

People chase me around- saying you shouldn't lift this or don't lift that but never offer a hand in lifting this or that. I mean if your going to "judge" me on the things I do or maybe don't do then offer your help. Otherwise bug out.  Just because I have became pregnant doesn't' mean that the rest of my world has stopped and is waiting for me to be "pregnant" again. I still have a job to do, I still have money that needs earning, I still have horses & dogs to feed. I still have duties as a wife, daughter and friend.  I have no problems doing the things that I do & when I feel I may be doing too much or maybe shouldn't be doing such and such thing- then I won't do it.  I am not going to let my pregnancy define me into being a hermit, couch potato or any other thing that I am not.  I will not let this pregnancy turn me into a whiny, crying women!  I am a strong & independent women and as long as my Doctor and I agree- I will continue to do the things I want and when I want.  I love my unborn child & will never intentionally do anything to harm him. <3

So with all this being said- I ask you to respect my own ways and stop trying to judge me.  I am not some evil women who doesn't care about her unborn child.

Lastly let me also state that I do not care to hear about your horrid child birthing moments. I guess most assume that because your now pregnant most people want to tell you their horror stories.  Please keep them to yourselves!

A Horsewoman's Prayer

Dear Lord,

Give me the strength to start this day
And wisdom and courage to face whatever I encounter
Though my day is full, with work, errands & life in general
Help me remember to set aside time to spend with my horse
Even if it is just a few moments grooming, or a short ride at a walk
Give me discipline to include some "horse time" in my busy schedule
Help me manage my troubles
O Lord; my aches, pains & physical shortcomings,
so that I do not use them as an excuse not to ride
Also my mental frailties-help me to remember that it is not necessary to gallop bareback
 in order to enjoy equestrian pursuits
help me manage my fears so that I may stay safe, but not immobilized in my endeavors
Help me to love and appreciate my horse
even though she may not always cooperate with my requests
Give me wisdom to evaluate the situation and adjust as needed and
 serenity to accept with grace that which I cannot change
be with me as I commune with and support my fellow horsewomen-
 sharing strength and weakness alike,
 all of our common love of this wonderful create
You have given us, the horse.
-Amen