Struggle with the paths of life

Days like today when something goes wrong I wonder where did my dreams go? Why did I stray from the path I wanted so long ago. Some days I cuss as to why I did I let things go wrong.  Other days I’m so thankful for the wrong turns.  If it were for the paths that I didn’t plan I wouldn’t be where I am today. But then again if it weren’t for the paths that I didn’t plan on, I wouldn’t be where I am today. How do you find the happy median? When do you find the happy median? When is enough enough! I have made every attempt to believe in such things as; “Things happen for a reason, The glass is half full- never near empty, If you do good GOOD will be done onto you, You show dedication and reliability, support, happiness, positiveness and you will thrive in this world.” But in most situations I’m getting the short end of the stick. 

People live life in one of two ways: As a victim or as a survivor.  In most instants I AM a survivor- but most of the time I want to cry HELP- VICTIM!  Remaining positive all the time is exhausting, being a victim is (appears) to be easier. 

The negativity in other people only damage my already half cracked soul. I hold myself together with only a string of faith. The string is strong however, it sometimes just doesn’t hold.  I typically don’t try to allow negative people to bother me but some days you just can’t take anymore.  Things tend to build up regardless if they are related or not, and some days you just can’t take it.  I don’t completely understand why I have been put in these situations- seems so unfair to have such negative things going on “what seems like” all the time.  My soul, my strengthen and my positiveness is ONLY so strong. 

Yes... things happen for a reason- but I'm still trying to grasp how this situation will not affect not only my dreams, but the dreams of my future family in mental, physical and financial aspects. My only solution at this point is to let things go as they need to go and as the old saying goes "God won't give me anything I can't handle." Just wish he wouldn't trust me so much.   

Work Ethic- is it worth it?!

Growing up my parents already made me responsible for what I did and what I was going to do.  They taught me the difference between being lazy and working hard. They showed me that hard work typically paid off. Back then- hard work did pay off.  In the same respect I was taught that dedication showed how valuable you were as not only a person but a worker.  The length that you dedicated to a job or anything for that fact- really helped you move forward specially in the business place.  Now this should go with out saying but I will say it anyway- there will always (has always been) some places that none of the above applies- HOWEVER- this seems to be more the case in todays economy and day and age.  If you typically show more ethusiasm, more work ethic, more dedication you appear to be a "threat" to a higher up.  You no longer are viewed as valuable in your work atmosphere.  You are more like a THREAT.  Dedication, years of service and an extra A plus on your work ethic gets you no where.  The only way you seem to improve your situation (no matter the case) work or personal life- it seems its all on who you know & (lets just say it) who you blow!

It is rather frustrating to see such good & valuable people go to waste. Our business don't hold us as valuable. They hold the jerk holes that are worthless & typically don't have the stamina to last or the work ethic to create a better "life" for the business in itself.  

Another note on pregnancy

My college professor said it best to me yesterday,

"Pregnancy is not an illness, many people want to believe it is.  Pregnancy is a normal way of life.  Women before us, have done many things while pregnant.  As long as you have a healthy pregnancy and get all the prenatal care that is recommended there is no reason you can't do the things you want to do or use to do."

  A lot of people want to judge us for what we do while pregnant from what we eat to the way we sleep- what you do is up to you and how you feel.

As I was opening up my laptop in a class to begin taking notes, a fellow classmate says- (commenting on my desktop photo) "Awwww is that your horse?" I naturally said yes- she's my baby.  Class mate says "Your still not doing that are you?" (in a real snotty questioning voice) I said, doing what? (already knowing her answer) "Riding?!" (again in a real judging voice) I said absolutely- although in reality I really haven't been riding much because its just been not feasible for other reasons. The classmate who I barely know- then had began to lecture me on the fact that I "shouldn't" do that while pregnant and how I need to think of others and its not just about "me" any more. And how dare I put my unborn child at risk.  Thankfully my pregnancy hormones didn't really kick in and I simply smiled at her & said: "My body- my baby- my choice and its your choice to disagree but its not your choice to lecture me."     And when you choose to NOT do something it shouldn't affect you negatively, however & unfortantly it does.

People chase me around- saying you shouldn't lift this or don't lift that but never offer a hand in lifting this or that. I mean if your going to "judge" me on the things I do or maybe don't do then offer your help. Otherwise bug out.  Just because I have became pregnant doesn't' mean that the rest of my world has stopped and is waiting for me to be "pregnant" again. I still have a job to do, I still have money that needs earning, I still have horses & dogs to feed. I still have duties as a wife, daughter and friend.  I have no problems doing the things that I do & when I feel I may be doing too much or maybe shouldn't be doing such and such thing- then I won't do it.  I am not going to let my pregnancy define me into being a hermit, couch potato or any other thing that I am not.  I will not let this pregnancy turn me into a whiny, crying women!  I am a strong & independent women and as long as my Doctor and I agree- I will continue to do the things I want and when I want.  I love my unborn child & will never intentionally do anything to harm him. <3

So with all this being said- I ask you to respect my own ways and stop trying to judge me.  I am not some evil women who doesn't care about her unborn child.

Lastly let me also state that I do not care to hear about your horrid child birthing moments. I guess most assume that because your now pregnant most people want to tell you their horror stories.  Please keep them to yourselves!

A Horsewoman's Prayer

Dear Lord,

Give me the strength to start this day
And wisdom and courage to face whatever I encounter
Though my day is full, with work, errands & life in general
Help me remember to set aside time to spend with my horse
Even if it is just a few moments grooming, or a short ride at a walk
Give me discipline to include some "horse time" in my busy schedule
Help me manage my troubles
O Lord; my aches, pains & physical shortcomings,
so that I do not use them as an excuse not to ride
Also my mental frailties-help me to remember that it is not necessary to gallop bareback
 in order to enjoy equestrian pursuits
help me manage my fears so that I may stay safe, but not immobilized in my endeavors
Help me to love and appreciate my horse
even though she may not always cooperate with my requests
Give me wisdom to evaluate the situation and adjust as needed and
 serenity to accept with grace that which I cannot change
be with me as I commune with and support my fellow horsewomen-
 sharing strength and weakness alike,
 all of our common love of this wonderful create
You have given us, the horse.
-Amen